26 Oct 2015 – Scared to Sleep

My nightmares usually wait for me to fall asleep. But tonight they are raging from the instant that I close my eyes. I am lying in bed with my eyes wide open out of fear. I’m afraid because I hate these memories and I am crying because it feels so real again. I can see little Marcus and feel his confusion, fear and sadness, but I can’t protect him. I’m not afraid of anyone or anything, but I can do nothing to help little Marcus. The worst part is that he thinks that all of this is normal and that he deserves it.

This is going to be a hard night.

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7 thoughts on “26 Oct 2015 – Scared to Sleep

  1. I couldn’t bring myself to commenting on this yesterday but after reading your post again. I can relate so much to this. Keep strong through all the heart ache. I am too not sleeping, my head is just not able to relax and my nightmares are getting vivid. I have since moved rooms which has helped – only a bit – but at least it is better then nothing. I now have exits so if I need to leave I can. Just a thought, if you can move rooms or just make an escape plan do it. Then you might get a piece of mind if a thought goes through you, you can leave to calm yourself down. All the best.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Last night I slept with the balcony door open. It is not an exit route (we are on the 4th floor), the sounds and the cool air helped soothe my thoughts. Tonight I will open the bedroom door and see if this helps. Thanks for the tip. This could be the key for when I feel trapped in.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for the good wishes. I had the chance to speak with my therapist and he gave me some tips to try.

      I wish you good sleeping, too. šŸ™‚

      Like

  2. Let’s flip the pancake on nightmares. You’ve been confronting a lot of issues, and dealing with them in the light. Perhaps your mind is releasing a touch of the dark, in the dark. The mind ultimately wants to protect you. Maybe your subconscious is testing the waters.

    Liked by 1 person

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