Journal 17 Dec 2015 – Superhero: “Who are you?”; Me: “I’m your son”

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Journal 17 Dec 2015

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6 thoughts on “Journal 17 Dec 2015 – Superhero: “Who are you?”; Me: “I’m your son”

    • I’m hanging in there. Thank you for checking up. This therapy is much harder than I expected. So often I plan to write something, then fall asleep from emotional exhaustion. In the beginning I wanted to quit, but now I am feeling that I can make it through. This program brings us face-to-face with our demons, but in a very safe environment. Then we have a chance to find ways to take away the power of the demons and construct new,healthy ways of seeing ourselves and other people. So often I want to write about my experience, but I don’t have the vocabulary and writing skills to do it justice.

      The holidays will be tricky, as you can probably imagine. But I will keep pushing on.

      It really means a lot that you wrote. Freiburg is a cool city. But I’m just another face in the crowd. After I finish my therapy sessions for the day, it gets lonely as hell. I’m still doing the graffiti photography, but Instagram friends are not real friends. Most just like to see pictures of their work. I have met some nice people in the clinic, but I must always keep some distance because sooner or later they will go home or I will go home. I’ve learned the hard way that clinic friends very rarely last out of the clinic.

      Wow. This was a long response. Can you tell that I don’t get many chances to “talk” (esp in English!)?

      I hope that you are doing ok. I am amazed by how you stay standing after dealing with so many disappointments. I read your last post a few days ago. I always think about you and hope that someday you will get the healthcare break that you need/deserve.

      -Marcus

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      • It is great to hear from you. I am glad you are still hanging in there and that you are still ongoing your treatment and the clinic. Although it is tough, it is good to keep going with it. This could really help you, to try and eliminate certain patterns. Plus you are getting help so I would continue with it, I would love the chance to get some.
        I agree the holidays are very difficult. I am experiencing that right now.
        I try not to get close to people these days, as I know they will just leave me or take no notice of what I am going through. I don’t want to keep myself to myself but am finding it increasingly difficult to build up a relationship which I know won’t continue.
        Thank you very much. I hope so too. I want to get better but so many things are holding me back.
        Keep safe, keep well.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I enjoyed reading this, I could imagine what it was like; really felt the emotion, sorry you didnt get that the childhood you wanted. But in some ways,you are today who are you because of the struggles(not just with your father) and thats a pretty cool person =) ( dont mind me, just really optimistic today)

    Liked by 1 person

    • That is very nice to hear. Thank you. I will have to let that soak in for a bit. I think my gentleness and kindness comes from living in a world of so much aggressive intensity. I know how much it sucks, so I’d hate to bring it to someone else. I’m really working on building something new from the shit in the past. But it is still hard to imagine that I can make anything other that just a house made of shit.

      Liked by 1 person

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